Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
