I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
