Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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