I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How does a face ride mean we're back together?