1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
