why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas