Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake