new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
