Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
