Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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