So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
