You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
