So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
