i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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