How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
