how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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