Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
