He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you never un-have a 4some
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