Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
