If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
