FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
