Green mimosas i think yes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
