Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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