Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
