i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
