I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
