I have demons in me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
