Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
