dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
