Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
