I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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