I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
