Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
