the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
