I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
should my penis look like a turkey
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
