Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
sex in a hospital.. check
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
