Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
