So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
