Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
