Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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