Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
