Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
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I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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