Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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