well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
