suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
