im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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