I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
