I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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