i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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