is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
