If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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