Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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