If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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