I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
