Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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