i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
