I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
