All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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