I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The beer is more important than you right now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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