dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize