covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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