i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
