I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
