It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
